Keeping it real - A much needed reality check comes my way

This morning I got a phone call from my best girlfriend Heather. I met Heather about a year after I moved to Oregon, I guess it was in 1999. Heather ran a shop up the street from the shop that Randy and I had opened in Corvallis. Her hubby was working up in Portland and that's where their place was, so at least once a week for almost two years Heather would stay at our house instead of driving the two hours one way home after work.

As you can imagine, we became great friends - so good in fact that she was there when Jake was born. We stayed very close until she moved to Salem and I moved to Sandy and she had two beautiful kids of her own - Lucy and Ivan TWINS! - and then adopted beautiful little Warran a year later. As you can imagine with three kids under three, she lives a pretty hectic live.

So now Heather and I only get to see each other about once a year, but we do try and keep in touch via email and occasional phone calls. At this point I should tell you that I've always felt really lucky to have Heather as a friend. She's very caring and compassionate and wildly talented - she is one of those "crafty" moms that can make Martha Stewart look lame. Before she had kids she was always the hip one; she knew the trends and how to dress and always knew all the cool people. We have always supported each other in every major aspect of our lives; having kids, buying homes, running our businesses, family issues - you name it, we have talked each other through it. When Jake was diagnosed with Autism I pretty much cut myself off from the world for nearly a year. Heather would call, send me cards, always trying to show her support, and I just ignored her (and everyone else) while I dealt with all of the emotions that we deal with when our child is diagnoses with a disability.

Eventually I came out of our shell and reconnected with my friend, and now we try and talk at least once a month. This morning I received a call that was typical Heather - as usual she was reading my mind and understanding exactly where I am at. The call went something like this:

Heather: I just got done reading your blog, and I feel your frustration about the fundraising.

Me: Yeah, I was pretty frustrated when I wrote it.

Heather: Ever since you started working on this I've had this vision of what you would do for the parents, and I see this little cottage off to the side where they can rejuvenate and be pampered while their kid is working with the horse. I see luxury and flowers and massages and facials and maybe you can get someone to donate pedicures and stuff..."

Me: YES! That is EXACTLY what I'm thinking, because as parents of kids with Autism, we rarely get a break!

Heather: I guess finding child care can be tough...I don't know how much it costs but I know that when you have a disabled child your finances can often be tight anyway, and then what if they don't mesh with your kid...

Me: Yes, a childcare provider who specializes in autism usually costs a minimum of $10.50 an hour. IF you can find one in your area, and since Autism covers such a wide spectrum, it can be really hard to find the right fit.

Heather: If you do the NPO thing, will you still be able to focus on the parents like you want to?

Me: Probably not, the IRS is very particular in how you spend funds when you are an NPO. Plus there is just all this red tape. You have to have a board of directors, regular meetings, filings with the state and federal government - it takes the focus from the kids, horses and parents and moves it to just running the organization under the federal and local guidelines.

Her: Then I hope you don't do it, because it sounds like it just won't work for your organization.

Then we chatted about her new business and the kids and all of that good stuff before I had to go help Jake out of the shower.

I'm so thankful that my friend called me. One of the most important things that I've always received from our relationship is that Heather "gets me." She can see my dream probably better than anyone I know besides Randy, and as always she's right there with her full support. And Heather is right. At this point, it is too early for me to give up on any part of the dream. She understands my frustration with a lack of donations at this point (she's so sweet, she said she's even going to sign up for a Blogger account so she can post comments!) and she encouraged me to keep pushing on.

After I talked to Heather, I went to one of my online news groups and put out a call for all experts who have worked with For Profit charitable organizations. I think I need to talk to some folks who have "been there/done that" so I can see both sides of the issue clearly - which will show me the path I need to take to really get things moving forward.

So thank you Heather! I love you girl, and I am so very lucky to have you in my corner!