In the Beginning

Looking back I can't remember when the exact date was, but I guess it was in late 2002. I was at a crossroads in my life - a dark, damp dead end that held me in its steely claws of indecision - and I was finally ready to wake up to the sun, if only I knew how.

2001 had been a very rough year for us. We had lost our business and most of our friends, and the baby that we hadn't expected turned out to be a whole lot of work even before he was born. My husband decided to go back to college, and I was struggling to support the family on income from my then very small marketing business, and when I couldn't work because of complications from my pregnancy, it seemed like we'd be having our baby out in the street.

But then the tide turned and things started to come together as they so often do, and our beautiful little boy was born and I went back to work and my husband was doing great with school and all seemed right with the world. Except something wasn't right. I had a stirring, a restless calling deep in my soul, and I needed to find a way to figure out what it was that was missing from my life. I actually had a pretty good idea of what it was, but I was having a hard time facing it. There was no way I could go there in my head, because the second I did, my heart would be broken. So I did what anyone in my position would do, I ignored what my soul was telling me and went on to pursue a whole bunch of meaningless other stuff to try and shut my inner self up.

If I remember correctly, during the course of that year I started to learn digital photography, I got involved with a "save the trees" organization, I started exploring and mapping back forest roads, I found a group of online friends to email and talk to, and I started redecorating. All of this made for great busy work, but it did nothing to stop the clamoring in my brain. It was during a trip to see my in-laws that my soul completely over powered me, and I heard myself nonchalantly saying to my husband "I don't think I can live much longer with out a horse in my life. It's been 10 years, and I really don't think I can go another day." What? Huh? Who said that!?? In the four years I had been with my husband, I had brought up horses maybe once, and so he did what any good husband would do, he looked at me like I was insane.

It was decided that I could not have a horse at that time, but my father-in-law did go out and buy one (I need to thank him for that again) and I before I knew it I was riding once every month or two. Surprisingly, this did not help. In fact, it seemed to make things worse. So of course it only makes sense that I would start trying to get my horse fix other ways; reading books, buying magazines, looking at horses for sale online and finding other horse folks to talk to. One day I walked into Borders to see if there was any new material to get my fix, and there I saw a book that I hadn't seen before, The Tao of Equus. The cover was cool and the back intriguing - here was a book about my first true love, horses, and something that I seemed to spend my entire adult life trying to achieve, healing. By the time I finished the book a week later, I knew what my calling was - I needed to open my own equine facilitated experiential learning facility.

I knew opening my center was what I was supposed to do the second I learned that there was such a thing. Over the years I had become very involved in my spiritual quest, and I had many women come to me for advice or help, and I found helping women discover their own inner power the most rewarding part of what I did. The second I realized that people were using horses to help women find themselves, I knew that was it. At that moment I decided that I really needed to buy a horse, and in March of 2003 I bought my first horse in 10 years, a lovely Arabian mare.

Once I had my horse, life got busy in a hurry. My husband decided to re-enlist in the service and was deployed, my business was picking up, and my son was having some developmental issues. The next thing I knew it was August of 2005, and my beautiful little boy, the joy of my life, my sunshine, my reason for being, my little Jake was diagnosed with Autism. In that moment, my world came to a screeching halt. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, I couldn't live, and the only thing that got me through was my daily trip to the barn. Without those big brown eyes sending love my way and that musky scent of horse and hay waking me up each time I entered the barn, I really don't think I would have made it through that very difficult and very painful period in my life.

The next year and a half found me enveloped in the land of "Parents of a child with a disability," which was a scary, crazy, maddening place to be. We met with specialists, psychologists, OTs, STs, PTs, and the state Early Intervention providers. We had to learn how to live in Jake's world while simultaneously working to draw him into ours - always trying to draw him into ours.
Over the past year and a half, Jake has made some great improvements, some amazing improvements, some of which can only be attributed to our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Others came through hard work on all of our parts, but especially Jake's part. Since his disability causes him to be oblivious to danger, and since he gets very excited and hyper when presented with new stimulation, I kept my horse life separate from my world with Jake. I used my horse time to renew, recharge, and refocus. I never lost site of my dream to open my center, but I never got any closer to making it a reality, either. Then a few months ago, something wonderful happened. Jake came with me to the barn.

Horses have an amazing ability to heal humans, but beyond that, certain horses (the Arabian breed is knows for this trait) are able to sense when people are in need - be it emotionally, physically or even developmentally. The day that Jake came to the barn with me, I put him up on my mare, who is fairly high strung and off the lead line is only suitable for an experienced rider. I knew that she would be well behaved while I led her around, but her reaction in the ring surprised even me; the second Jake was on her back she immediately lowered her head and relaxed her whole body, taking each step like she was well aware of the precious cargo on her back. 30 minutes later I had to force Jake down, and he was a different child. Riding seems to give him a different type of aweness, and he seems more secure in his world as a result.

So now I know the rest of my future, and my calling is complete. I am working towards opening Jake's Place Equestrian Center - where horses heal humans. Jake's Place will provide two distinct yet complimentary services; providing therapeutic hands-on horse skills to children with Autism, and providing Equine Facilitated Experiential Learning sessions for women seeking growth, recovery and/or change. Jake's Place will be a for profit center, providing excellent service and amenities in the incredibly beautiful setting of the mountains of Oregon.

I am currently in the beginning stages of raising the $165,000 needed for a down payment on the purchase of land and facilities. If you would like to see Jake's Place become a reality, you can show your support by purchasing items from our shop, or by giving a cash donation. We have a long way to go to see Jake's Place open to it's first visitor, but I know that with persistence, dedication, and a little help from the angels along the way, we'll get there!